Indictment Season: What To Wear For Our Newest Trend
Monday announced the coming of a brand new period in the Fashion Calendar Year: Indictment Season! We talk about what to wear during these exciting times.
With Halloween about to gasp its final breath and Day of the Dead only 24 hours from ending, it’s a brand new era in the Fashion Calendar Year: Indictment Season! While some thought Monday was merely a one-day celebration (Indictmas) there at least enough Russain oil turning these “Crimes Against The United States” to burn for at least eight days, if not longer. (After all, the white resentment looks to be burning for four years if not longer.) With Independent Council Robert Mueller sitting with potentially four more sealed filings in the DC court between the ones revealed yesterday, we may see Indictment Season last at least a good six months to the Manafort trial, if not all the way to Memorial Day 2018 and beyond.
For those who are determined to be fashionable here in DC during all times of the year, this brand new period on the fashion calendar may come at an alarming time. Here you were prepared with fall sweater weather and climate change as made the Halloween Parade come on an 80-degree day. Here you were picking out those fall tones and red-and-green combos, and now you’ve been caught unawares. What does one wear for Indictment Season?
Glad you asked. Let’s talk your closet because there’s a good chance you have everything you need at home.
Layered Tops: Keep Your Core Warm
When it comes to dressing for Indictment Season, the weather is unpredictable, as is how Trump will react on Twitter. We recommend thinking about the layered look, with a Thermaskin cami to keep your core warm, no matter what the weather, but is also stylish enough to strip down to in case of a sudden spate of summertime heat in January. Lands End carries them for $20, and (bonus!) does so all the way up to a Size 3x. Over top, we suggest a sporty look with a Half Zip active pullover, which comes in many patterns, but can easily be tied around the waist when all that walking heats you up. ($60.)
As for when it time to go out and march in the streets turning the weeks-long protests that follow “Pardon Day,” our best recommendation is the Squall System ($150), which can be used as a fall fleece layer, a rain slicker, or mixed and matched for snowy days outside in Layfette park and the streets around the White House. DC weather has just been too unpredictable this decade to not be prepared for all eventualities.
Marching is exercise, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. That’s why we recommend yoga pants or athleisure wear of some sort. Both are available on Amazon, with Yoga pants running in the $10-30 dollar range depending on your budget, and leggings running about the same. Some actually have pockets, which is good, as you should assume bags will be restricted and you might be getting arrested.
Bonus factor, the cami and yoga pants are also great for wearing during the time you spend on the phone calling your congress critters and their offices all over the United States and screaming at them about how they need to get off their asses and do something instead of spending their time taking away healthcare from the little old ladies and robbing the poor blind so the rich can afford extra yachts.
The fact of the matter is that Congress won’t do anything, and this season will pass uneventfully if we don’t go full healthcare freakout like we did both this July and September. But we all must take a stand, or nothing will happen.
Marching is hard on the feet, and the uncertainty of when Pardon Day will come means the weather is hard to judge. The main thing is less about fashion than it is about standing all day without pain and walking without blisters. Most swear by sneakers, but on the colder days, you might want to go for good hiking books. A good sturdy sneaker should run you in the $25 range, while hiking boots are slightly more, in the $75 range, but are more likely to be waterproof.
Just don’t wear New Balance, they put too much money towards supporting Trumpian policies. And for god’s sake, good socks are key.
While gloves and recycling one’s pussyhat will probably gain you points both in keeping your hands warm and proving your Anti-Trump marching cred, nothing matters more than your snappy sign. It doesn’t really matter what it says other than “Impeach Trump” and imploring our congress critters to actually finally do something about all this. But the multitude of a parade of rainbow signs on the news from the dramatic flyover shots of people screaming in the streets is key to getting attention, as well as the dramatic clatter they make when being dragged away by the cops live on TV. (Well, ok live on all rolling news stations, except FOX which will probably be covering how “Millennials Killed Socks” or something.)
Just don’t forget that bags and purses can be a problem during this time of year, especially when the big protests break out the security rules. So carry light, with just an ID and credit card, and have plenty of pockets, or an easy-to-belt-on fanny pack. Sometimes the most fashionable thing you can wear is the most practical.
We hope these fashion tips for this brand new time in our calendar year inspire your wardrobe! Feel free to sound off in the comments on what your favorite Indictment Season outfit is, and tips for marching!