The Best and the Worst of the Emmys Red Carpet 2017
It’s that time again! Red carpet season kicked off with a bang at the Emmy Award 2017. Who wore what? And how bad was it?
Good morning! It’s the morning after the Emmys and while Netflix and Amazon lick their wounds after letting Hulu be the first streaming show to ever take home Best Drama, the rest of us are lining up what we saw last night on the red carpet and deciding how bad all of it was.
This is the kick off to the traditional red carpet season. (Sorry MTV, you don’t count.) From here on, many of them will be movie red carpets as stars pole dance their way to the Oscars. But first, here are many actors who have given up on Oscar (or are at least taking a break from him) to compete in a pool that used to be the B list lane. Not so much anymore.
With “prestige TV” taking over, and many in the movie world recognizing they have a better chance to create the sorts of things they want to appear in on the medium sized screen — it’s hard to think of 50 inch TVs as small — the line between one awards circuit and the other is far blurrier than it ever was.
Which lead me to our top looks of the night….
1. Nicole Kidman, in Calvin Klein by Appointment. This was her night. Everyone knew it. She was taking home that trophy for Big Little Lies, and she dressed for it. She may never rule the Oscars again, but this pond is quite happy to have her.
2. Ryan Bathe. This is Sterling K. Brown’s wife, but you wouldn’t know it because he never got around to thanking her on TV. She has a tiny role on This Is Us, by the way, which no one knows either. Still, she came to be remembered, and it worked.
3. Elisabeth Moss in Prabel Gurung. Sorry Anti-Scientologists, this was her night too. After losing every single year for Mad Men, the Emmys finally awarded her The Handmaid’s Tale. (They swept by the way, 10 awards total.)
4. Thandie Newman is Jason Wu. She thought this might be her night — Westworld came in heavily favored, and then walked out empty handed. Still, her dress made the Top Ten, which is not nothing.
5. Evan Rachel Wood in Moschino. She knew she wasn’t taking this one, but her suit is so on point, I’m almost sorry we didn’t get to see it close up during an acceptance speech.
6. Leslie Jones in Christian Siriano. Because the man knows how to dress women larger than size 2. She looks fabulous.
7. Millie Bobby Brown in Calvin Klein. Age appropriate, which is rare for her. Good job.
8. Lena Waithe in ALBA. Now that, ladies, is how you suit up.
9. Sarah Hyland in Zac Posen. One of the few well done cut outs of the evening.
10. Samira Wiley in Christian Siriano. The other best cut out of the night, and sleek to boot.
Issa Rae, in Vera Wang. Our Runner up red dress.
Kate McKinnon in Narciso Rodriguez. How to be funny, but not worry that looking good on the red carpet will somehow detract from it.
Viola Davis is Zac Posen. Great shade of Orange.
Ellie Kemper in Jenny Packham. I love that she dresses like a rich Kimmy Schmidt.
Uzo Aduba in Sally LaPointe. But it’s the fro that makes this.
Allison Janney in Tony Ward. She said she picked this last minute. Next time, more thought and you’ll make the Top Ten.
Kiernan Shipka in Miu Miu. Sniff. They grow up so fast.
Keri Russell in J. Mendel. The correct way to Ostrich feather, even if it’s not Top Ten.
Jessica Biel in Ralph and Russo. It’s two dresses fighting, but it actually almost works. (The hair and make up are doing a lot of the work though.)
Debra Messing in Michael Kors. “DIDJA MISS ME? DIDJA MISS ME?”
No Debra. We did not.
Donald Glover and Donald Glover’s Suit won twice last night. As they should.
As for the rest of the men on the red carpet, I would like to point out that the boys from Stranger Things put you all to shame. Here’s Noah Schnapp doing “Statement Jacket.”
Here’s Finn Wolfhard doing “Classic Tux.”
Here’s Caleb Mcloughlin, who was only beaten by Donald Glover in the “lux tux” category.
And here’s Gaten Matarazzo is a proper Navy three piece. If these children can do this, WHY CAN’T YOU?
I mean Seriously, Deon Cole, those pants are balloony.
Ok, Sterling, you get a pass. But next time, mention your wife before time run out.
Titus Burgess gets it.
Chris Sullivan doesn’t, but it’s ok, because he wore a hat.
Liev Schreiber’s kid looks like a little male Naomi Watts.
Filliam H. Muffman, class couple.
Sofia Vergara in a mermaid gown? How unUSual.
Claire Foy, dressed like she knew she wouldn’t win. Girl, at least try.
Laverne Cox, it’s been done.
Julia Louise Dreyfus, a smattering of gold schmutz does not make a little black dress interesting.
Shailene Woodley, sloppy as ever.
Emmy Rossum, no longer daring.
Laura Dern, feather duster.
Anka Noni Rose, boobily boobalicious.
Judith Light, doing her Angelina Jolie impression.
Julie Bowen, looking feather headed and feather tailed.
Look, Ajiona Alexus, I know Emma Watson did it and you liked it. That didn’t mean try it.
Mandy Moore, as a Afterparty Cake.
Reese Witherspoon, silently letting you know what she thinks of the Emmy’s in terms of where it ranks in her wardrobe. (Also she knew Nicole would win and she wouldn’t.)
Priyanka Chopra, as a bling handled feather duster.
Samantha Bee, making the Tina Fey mistake of “If I look good, they won’t take me seriously.”
Chrissy Metz, should’ve picked a Siriano.
Gina Rodriguez in blah.
Ariel Winter in “I’M AN ADULT NOW”
Carrie Coon in “I’ll never win, so I’ll wear what I damned well want.”
Heidi Klum, as herself.
Sara Paulson, in Pier One Imports.
Tracee Ellis Ross in Burn After Wearing.
Zoe Kravitz, taken in by the Unicorn Craze.
Tess Thompson, taken in by the Unicorn Craze in an even worse way.
Erin Lim, trying way too hard.
There will never be justice for Barb, y’all.
As Future President Mr. The Rock would say: “What can I say? You’re Welcome.”