Project Runway: All Stars “Not Very Sporting”
This week, Project Runway is brought to us by the Letters B, C and B. For Brooklyn, Cyclones and Baseball. With opening day yesterday, for once the product placement is exactly on time, and probably under budget to boot, considering the Cyclones are in fact minor league. They’re paying the regularly scheduled models a bit extra though, since they have joined Alyssa at the stadium to model her line of female oriented sportsfan clothing for our designers at today’s challenge reveal.
Said challenge reveal is all about promoting Alyssa’s brand of what she calls “Athleisure wear,” which is not only a mouthful, but obscure enough that the show makes sure to edit in a definition for those sitting at home going “ath-what?” Think fashionable yoga pants, the kind with serious applique work for people who have never gone into a yoga studio in their lives, and never plan to sweat in them. The winning outfit will be sold through Alyssa’s line, which means she’s officially reached Heidi status, since Heidi gets to do this outsourcing of design for her lines every season over on ProjRun Proper.
Ok, maybe not full Heidi status, as the designers are allowed to go to Mood with a $200 budget, instead of having to use the brand’s pre-bought bulk fabrics so it can be produced cheaply. But she’s in luck as most people follow the look book, which means that all almost all seven designers buy the same thing–I count at least two with matching meshes, three with the same shade of blue and two others with the same shade of red. The matching fabrics brings out the usual catty nonsense that’s been going on all season.
Let’s see what catty nonsense Zanna spews upon seeing these outfits.
- Sam: Fifties in the front, Elvira in the back. Zanna notes it is the same mesh he bought last week and wound up in the bottom three with.
- Asha: Her dummy has nothing but a strip of tortured fabric on it so Zanna fantasizes that the sketch might turn out amazing.
- Kini: He’s making an entire wardrobe from mesh, blue fabric and…denim, of course. Zanna laughs.
- Dom: Her little red polka dot fabric looks like ladybugs. Zanna says “unique” without wrinkling her nose.
- Layana: There’s a whole lot of trying too hard on that dummy. Zanna’s eyes swipe left over and over, but Layana’s outfit does not disappear.
- Ken: I’m a sucker for high-end hoodies so I am all about what he’s done so far. Zanna tells him not to overdo.
- Emily: Her blue fabric is a perfect match for her hair. Zanna says it looks like a lady who lunches.
With no truly disastrous reviews, no one starts over. In the room, the models come and go. Everyone’s doing fine…except Ken, who is really behind. All he has to try on her is non-beat brand headphones he grabbed off the branded accessory walls.
Somehow the show decided that ken’s not having anything for his model is a great reason to give him an “unbalanced” edit this week. On the one hand, it’s a nice change from the usual We Hate Sam Club meetings we’re forced to sit through. On the other, I feel bad for him, since this plays on most superfans who watch knowing about his freakout meltdown at NYFW during his season and refusing to allow his outfits to walk. And all he really did was go back to the hotel an hour or so early because he needed a break and a good night’s sleep.
Day of runway, and the lack of drama is clearly killing the producers, especially when Ken comes back looking like a walking advert for the production allowing these guys to have more sleep on a regular basis.
Let’s see if the judges got a good night sleep and can pick the better outfit to win for once.
Alyssa is wearing her own designs, which is the best she’s looked all season. Georgina and Isaac both showed up for work. This week’s guest judge is Kristin Cavallari, who is here to shill for one of the branded accessory walls.
Emily: Basic and boring
Asha: Kim Kardashian goes to a baseball game in this. The judges call it a bit on the nose. Alyssa says perhaps with a real top instead of a sports bra it could have been better.
Dom: This is what Lurch’s girlfriend wears on their first date, and they call it love and run away and get married and have little monster babies. The back is supposed to be fun, but it’s more jarring than anything else. When she takes off the bottom and lets it been a mini dress, it’s a massive improvement. The judges love it anyway, for reasons that don’t make much sense. Only Kristin pipes up that the shorter version is better.
Kini: Those jeans are horrendous. I want them to put a ban on Kini using denim ever again on the show, those jeans are so bad. But the coat is so great. So frustrating. The judges barely see the jeans–only Georgina calls out the terrible crotch. They are over the moon for the coat, which is enough to give Kini the win, because Alyssa wants to sell that in her line.
Sam: Fifties diner wedding guest wear? Is that a thing? because if that’s a thing, that’s what Sam designed for. Everyone agrees it’s gorgeous, and has no business being in this challenge. Isaac and Georgina admit they would wear it to a game, which proves that they never go to sporting events unless they’re a guest in a billionaire’s private air-conditioned box. Alyssa takes it as a personal affront.
Ken: Look, considering he lost a couple of hours in order not to crack, let’s just give it to him that it’s finished, polished, and the hoodie is almost good enough, even if the rest of the outfit isn’t. The judges complain it’s not elevated enough and not different enough to be remarked upon.
Layana: The pants are still trying too hard. The top is boring and a last-minute throw away. Her explanation is also trying too hard. The judges look a little appalled, both at how much work she did and how terrible and boring the result was. And that is finally the end of Layana.