Project Runway All Stars: Don’t Disappoint Miss Piggy.
This week we’re making a cocktail dress for the editor of French Vogue. That’s right, Pigathia Lee herself. The one, the only Miss Piggy.
This episode is such a holdover from when this show was originally supposed to air directly after the regular season Project Runway. If it had started airing Nov 1st (like it was originally advertised), this would have aired the week The Muppets was released to theaters. Not complaining, because I never complain about more Muppets being in my life. Just pointing these things out. Wonder how Disney felt about shelling out for what should have been advertising, only to have Lifetime decide last-minute to move the show to January? Not that I don’t think it was the right call–having seen Project Accessory, I agree whole heartedly with the decision to air it between Project Runways, instead of after them, since it really needed all the help it could get in maintaining an audience. I just wonder what they told those who were counting on it airing when they originally promised.
Anyway, onto the show. Michael C and Kenley are waxing nostalgic about watching Muppet Babies. In fact, almost everyone in the workroom is waxing on about seeing her in cartoon form as kids. Nearly all of them are far too young to have ever seen The Muppet Show, let alone remember where they were when Jim Henson died. Damn, I feel old. Mila is missing the point of the exercise and is going to go for 1960s mod because she couldn’t care less what the Pig would wear. Austin, on the other hand, is planning on going for the hottest pink bow you could imagine. Sadly, they are designing for their models, and not designing in miniature. This would have been a fascinating episode if we had been able to see a runway show where they had to work with puppeteers.
The shopping at Mood seems to produce a lot of black fabrics. Black may be slimming, but is it really forward Pig fashion? Consider that in the movie she’s wandering around in a chic houndstooth suit and pearls. Miss Piggy really doesn’t do black. It’s just not her style. Meanwhile, Mondo and Kara are arguing over elbow length gloves in bright pastel colors. Just because your dress features classic Piggy gloves does not make it Pig Couture. Kara is trying to figure out how one sexes up a Pig. (No one suggests putting lipstick on it.) Anthony frowns at such a thing and says “Miss Piggy is always a lady.” That’s right, Anthony. You go, girl. Kenley thinks her retro style, done in an animal print will go over perfectly with Piggy’s style. This is not an incorrect assessment.
Joanna’s walk through is the height of comedy, and for those who might be tempted to fast forward through the workroom portion to get to the runway, I want to make sure you stop and watch this portion. It is Not To Be Missed. She calls this one of the best challenges in Project Runway history. She takes Piggy ultra seriously as a client, and acts as if they are designing for Anna Wintour. Her critiques are as withering as you would expect under such circumstances. Gordana tells her she is working on making sure that Piggy has a youthful look to her frock. Joanna calls it a nightgown. Gordana wants her to be comfortable. Joanna points out high fashion is never comfortable, and that Piggy would wrap herself in saran wrap for the red carpet if necessary, and stalks off. As for Mila, she is going ultra 60s, including a headband. This concerns Joanna, as Piggy has two large ears, and she might not being able to hear. Mila had not considered the ears. Moving on, Joanna points out that Kenley might not want to put a pig in giraffe print, and whirls off to talk to Austin. Austin thinks because he calls himself Moi, he and Piggy are soul sisters. Joanna snaps that Austin’s dress might be more giftwrap and not muppet clothing. Finally, WTF has Mondo done? That fabric! Piggy does not want to look like she came from the slaughterhouse! (Repeat after me: It’s Mondo. He will Make It Work. But all I can think is Red Room! Red ! Room! (Over there!) Joanna is appropriately horrified. As she goes to leave, she whips back and dramatically announces: Do NOT Disappoint Miss Piggy!, and then walks out. Let us all bow down to Joanna Coles for getting through that entire segment without once cracking a smile.
Day of runway, Mondo has clued in that his dress is a bad scene, and has done his best to repair the damage, but there’s no getting around the awful fabric choice. MichaelC’s dress has a big bubble-like bow on the tits. Everyone’s rushing to finish and there’s more drama between Kara and other people about stealing her claimed accessories. How much longer must we suffer her? Kara is so excited to be seen talking to Piggy by her daughter. Being yelled at for a slutty dress by Miss Piggy you mean. Whatever. It’s time to play the music, it’s time to light the lights, it’s time to get things started for Miss Piggy’s dress tonight.
To the runway!
Did Angela’s drss get beat up in an alley on the way to her wardrobe? This dress is one big miss.
Issac’s substitute tonight is named Eric. Just so we’re clear. Wait, where is Issac? He missed MISS PIGGY. I hope he had a very good excuse for such a snub.
April: I like the feathers on the shoulders, but it would look better on the pig than the model. The waist on the model looks a bit frumpy, but I think on Piggy wouldn’t look bad. I think that April’s mistake here was designing something that would have been top three if they’d been allowed to dress actual Muppets rather than models.
Jerrell: The hot pink is ugly, and would clash with her pink pig skin. Like April, I think this is a dress that would look better on the Pig than the model. The emphasis on the shoulder design is very smart (on both their parts) since Piggy is mostly only filmed above the waist.
Kara. Hurts my eyes. The opening in the stomach is just no. Where April and Jerrell designed for the character, Kara designed for the model. You think that stomach opening is going to read properly on the muppet? It’s going to look bad and wrong. This dress should ahve been in the bottom. Utterly wrong.
Anthony is SPOT ON. How was this not Top Three? It’s so fashion Pig forward, while maintaining an air of lady-like delicacy. Part of the problem in dressing piggy is helping them look delicate. This dress achieves that. I love the feather detailing on the bodice. I think this is the sort of black frock that Piggy would pull off perfectly.
Mondo: oh, honey. I know, he did his best to save it, but that fabric was a bad starting point. The buttons are a cute idea, and would read well, and I like that he actually did a bit of a callback to Kermit’s neckline in the cut of the miniskirt edge, but this is such a miss. And what’s with the helmet hair? He should be thankful he didn’t hit the bottom with this.
Kenley’s headpiece is hilarious, but my real issue with this dress is that Piggy doesn’t show cleavage like that! Georgina is very worried that the construction of the top looks stuck down, and there is general concern among the judges about how flimsy the whole bodice area looks. Eric likes the giraffe print as a modern-day take on the leopard print, and thinks the hat will help hide her ears. Piggy is insulted that anyone would thing her ears need hiding. She says she loves the hat and that when she’s done for the night she can take it home and wash her pots and pans with it. Her main concern is what does a Giraffe print say? She knows what a leopard print says. Leopards are fierce. What is a giraffe? And a pink giraffe at that? So perplexing. But Kenley is safe.
Rami is also spot on, even though the official picture caught his model unable to keep a straight face. This is so Piggy. Polkadots, vibrant, frills and furbelows. It’s perfect muppet couture. Georgina says it’s fun. Angela says it might be hard for a regular woman to wear. Piggy snaps she’s not a regular woman. Eric calls it Parisian Hog Couture. Piggy is suspicious that he’s making fun of her. But she says LOVES! it, and it looks like a candy store exploded. In any other project the judges would hate it and think Rami had lost his mind. Here, it’s perfect. But sadly it is not fashion forward enough to take the win.
Michael C: I worries that this was too short. But, like April and Jerrell, he smartly put all the detailing above the waist, so that it would show properly, and the gold color will flatter Piggy’s coloring. Georgina says he went in a different direction with this from everyone else, but it worked, and she likes the big black zipper in the back. Piggy loves the dress and says it looks like a present. A present for Kermie! Their only concern is that the judges feel he might have fallen down on the styling a bit. Eric thinks the headpiece would once again help distract from Piggy’s ears. At that point she karate chops him for his rude comments. And then she gives MichaelC the win. Yay MichaelC!
Austin: This is all wrong. The grey is wrong and the shade of pink is doubly wrong. The bows on the hips are a crime against women. Eric points out that you need to think about a real woman’s body, and that these bows would emphasize the hips in a very unfortunate manner. Miss Piggy says you cannot hula hoop in the dress, therefore it is not functional. Austin argues the bows would hold the hula hoop up. Piggy calls it futuristic. Eric asks if this is supposed to be a dress for Pigs in Space? She says no. He reiterates that the bows on the side were unfortunate. That’s a very gentle way of saying it, muses Piggy. But Austin is not about to be taken out by a silly challenge designed to promote a movie. He’s safe.
Mila’s dress looks like a laundry bag or like it’s made from car seat fabric. The judges ask where the flamboyant aspect comes in. Georgina points out that color looks better for the red carpet. Eric likes the linear aspect of the dress, but this is the first time he’s seeing Mila’s work, so he’s forgiven for not being bored with it. He agrees this dress is all wrong for the challenge. Piggy calls it “goth” and says it does not scream Miss Piggy, or even whisper it. The judge’s biggest issue is that Mila essentially ignored the challenge, and made what she wanted to make, instead of entering into the spirit of what they were asking for. They point out she didn’t take the client into consideration as all. But the dress is well made, for all that it’s ugly, not red carpet appropriate, and is something Miss Piggy would never wear except in a sketch that was set in the 1960, and then she still wouldn’t wear it because Piggy wears color, not boring full black and beige ugly nonsense. For all that, Mila is still safe. Ugh.
Gordana: it’s a Victoria’s Secret lingerie dress that will make any woman with curves look fat. She thanks Piggy for making her children happy. That’s why she’s dressing her like a hooker? Piggy is ultra polite, and calls it a fine dress, but that it’s not Moi. The judges are shaking their heads. Piggy style evening gloves do not a Miss Piggy Dress make. Piggy agrees, and sighs that it just kind of sat there. Angela says it won’t flatter Piggy’s curves. It looks like something we might see Piggy wearing at home, flouncing about her mansion, but it certainly in nothing she’d wear to the red carpet. Unless she woke up there in a comical sketch routine, where she finds herself mortified and has to take it out on everyone in sight afterwards. Poor Gordana. She’s out.
But I could have told you that last week. These people are going home in order. Gordana was here as filler, not because she was a true all-star. Last week it was SweetP. Next week it will be Kara. Mark My Words.
Next week is a 6.5 hour challenge for Diane Fustenberg. 6hours!? Ok, maybe it’ll be April instead of Kara. Still, going home In Order! Mark My Words.