Project Runway AllStars: Conventionally Unconventional
The most daring! controversial! designers! are back! Let’s get real, the real daring, controversial thing about this show is why Austin grew a pornstache. Mr. Scarlett, Rhett Butler called, and would like a word with you, sir.
Hello NotHeidi! I do hope Angela is more sartorially interesting in the style of Heidi Klum than Molly Sims was over on ProjAccess. To start this show off, she’s wearing a flying spaghetti monster necklace. This gives me hope. She starts listing out the prize for winning this thing….the big prize is receiving their own boutique at
Needless Markup Neiman Marcus and a position as guest editor for one year at Marie Claire. Hmm, I wonder what Nina thinks about *that.* I assume that’s going to be “along side Nina” and not “in place of Nina.” Of course, maybe this way the show figures Nina can’t beg off of taping regular season Project Runway episodes. After all, she has a guest editor to run things for her. There’s more, including actual cash prizes, but those are the big ones. By time they’re done listing things, it’s a 1/2 million prize package. And there is no immunity, ever. Good stuff. The judges are our aforementioned Angela, Georgina from Marchesa who is wearing an awesome purple cutout dress and Issac, who hello, designs for Target!
….and apparently they brought something from home that they’re fitting to their models and sending down the runway in 30 minutes. So we’re already at runway time, and it’s only the first commercial. I approve.
A quick overview of this runway show, since it become obvious this is not really the challenge, and because Lifetime did not see fit to provide pictures. Jerell is still a whole lot of bling, but his silhouette has improved enormously since the last time he was on this show. Mila is still designing ugly clothes. Here she shows a dingy black-white-grey brown shapless color block fug. Kenley has left the 50s and entered prom season. The fact that it doesn’t really fit her model properly gives it the appearance of a bad bridesmaid dress. Oh Austin! Talk about the land of bad bridesmaids I don’t know what’s worse, the cut, the color, or both paired together. Elisa’s frock is really cute, I like the hand drawn print and the writing. Considering she’s only here to fill the “weird contestant quota”, I’m surprised hers is the first thing sent down the runway that I like. Rami’s stopped draping and started poofing. I think I see a face in his feather duster blob of a dress. Gordana’s white number with the red shoulders is quite lovely and interesting at first glance, though on second glance its actually very ice skater. April still using too much black and goth. Cute though, sad there’s no picture. I’d wear it to work. Anthony really likes bright colored dresses. The ginormous blinged out safety pin that holds it together hurts my soul. Michael C stole all Rami’s draping ability. Is that a plastic skirt Mondo just sent down the runway? The print of the top is Tim Burton but done in a good way. Love the fascinator hat! HOW IS THERE NO PICTURE OF THIS ON THE WEBSITE?? Wait, where were Kara’s dress and SweetPs white frock? Damn it, Lifetime, how many times must we tell you it’s about the clothes? Issac says their all winners, and sends them off to pimp the hotel pent house they’re renting.
The challenge this week is a 99cent store challenge to make an outfit out of unconventional materials that goes with the dress they showed in the opening runway show. This includes our obligatory reminder Austin won the first unconventional challenge the first week of the first season of runway. Will thy also remind us that that was an accident, because he was too dumb to know that corn husks left overnight dry up? No? Not surprised. The contestants go wild in the store, buying anything and everything. Once we return to the workroom, we learn that the accessory wall is sponsored by
Needless Markup Neiman Marcus, and that despite HP cancelling their line of tablets, Project Runway is sticking with them at least through the end of the television season. I really want to know what they’re going to switch to once HP folds their hardware line completely. Somehow I think pen and paper will be out of the question.
And it’s time for Johanna’s walk through! You way remember her as the bitchy guest judge during the Nina! Nina! Nina! challenge last season. Immediately I have the sense she is definitely there to find herself a guest editor, and to make sure whoever makes the final is someone that’s fit for the job. Longest interview process ever. Her critiques this week, though a bit rushed for time, are sensible. I trust her more than Eva on ProjAccess, but she comes in with considerable cred. She’s also using Tim Gunn style language when she speaks to the contestants, which helps make her sound knowledgeable to an audience. Perhaps she can give Eva lessons?
And at the end of the day Austin’s glue gun melts his plastic dress. Doesn’t he watch the show? Becky totally already did this last season. Make your crisis more original, please and thank you. That’s the only drama we get , and then suddenly it’s runway day. Thankfully those in the makeup and hair salons are not forcing the full title of each product used into casual conversation like they’re paid by the name drop. Oh ProjectRunway, I missed you so much. Let’s go to the runway.
Oh, I already approve of Angela’s outfit. This looks like she’s wearing high end sparkly smarties. I love it. Heidi would approve.
Austin: He made a literal plastic translation of his ugly dress from before. He matched the color, but that’s no a compliment, considering the color before was awful. I half wonder if he chose to bring that dress because he thought he’d have to rip it apart. You can’t tell he melted the plastic at all, but that’s because the silver scrubby explosions are so distractingly awful. Also, pink shoes? That’s not a thoughtful use of the NM wall at all.
Kara’s 99 cent outfit is ok, but also really sort of bland. The wonder woman belt looks like the mylar that it is. The top, though a bit loud in color, isn’t badly constructed. The skirt is utterly forgetable. In fact I think the best thing about this outfit is the hat, and I hate the hat. Also, the sparkly shoes are ugly.
Kenley has left the land of prom and bridesmaids and gone to a bad costume diner. Actually, that’s not fair to 50s diners. With the ugly poof hat and that particular shade of blue, I am struck by the resemblance of this outfit to the sort of thing Christina Ricci sported in PanAm. The front flap not only looks like the back of the bathmat that it is, but it flops like it too. Next!
Anthony’s dress is all crepe paper, safety pins and bright color insanity. He voice overs that he’s praying the paper doesn’t rip. I bet your model’s praying it more. The safetypin bling on the 99cent store dress is so much better than his safety pin bling on the original. Just an observation. I also like that he matched the bright jewel tone aesthetic of his original dress her in paper.
Mila -Oh Mila. I hate your work. I hate it. This look vulgar. It’s ugly. What the hell is on her legs? Are those supposed to be pants? It looks like they were wrapping the model for Christmas, but ran out of wrapping paper. Worse those painfully ugly leggings, which would be bad enough, are rendered eye gougingly ugly when paired with the godawful top. And yet! How sad is it that this is better than the ugly, bland =nonsense she sent down the runway originally? Very sad.
MichaelC. I guess we can drop the “C”, he’s the only Michael here. His mopheads would look better if the dress was fitted. Instead it sort of hangs off her like drapery.
April- now this is how you fit the mophead to the model. Not only that, but her flows so much better than Michael’s. In this accidental head-to-head, April takes it by miles.
As for our Top and Bottom Threes:
Jerell didn’t do badly at all. His silhouette improvement extends to this scarves and placemets version. It’s got good flow for what it is, and walks the runway quite nicely. The print is actually better than the original. The original was more “Island Eyes.” This is more nuetral and urban. Also, since it was made in a day, there’s a refreshing lack of bling. Jerell works better when he can’t shoot himself in the foot. The judges all say they love the neutral pattern, but then they move on. They’re not sure he pushed the boundaries enough. But he’s safe.
Mondo- Am I just going to love every fascinator hat he sends down? I love the dress too, which is made of binders, trash bags and tape, but you’d never know it. It totally goes with the line that his first dress is from. Hopefully I can find a picture of it to link to before this goes live. (Thank you Lifetime for being your usual useless self!) Please let him walk away with this season. The judges call his outfit flawless. Issac and Georgina agree they want to see it in a real fabric. Georgina also loves his fascinator hat. And yet they don’t give him the win. I’m not sure I approve.
Rami is really into folding. First with the feather duster, now with the storage bags. I was never a big fan of Rami’s work, and this reminds me why. The looks stiff and hard, like she would be safe in a car accident. This is Disney cartoon villain wear. The original at least had some movement to this, whereas this moves like a box. But the judges love it! Are they mad? Yeah, I don’t get the judge love for Rami. Didn’t get it the first time around, don’t get it now. I think this looks like it was designed for a football player, especially from the back. Yes, it’s perfectly constructed, but I think it’s utterly ugly. I can’t believe they gave him the win. Grumble.
Gordana-This dress makes 1960s StarTrek clothing look good. She looks like she belongs in a generator spinning around creating electricity. It’s so bad, it’s AWESOME. Those shoulders are straight out of a 1950s sci fi flick. Hilarious. It’s electric! Boogie woogie woogie. The judges are actually pretty kind considering how horrid this is, which Angela and Georgina saying that the problem is there are too many ideas here, and that it needs editing. Gordana admits overdesigning is her main flaw. She’s safe for now with a slap on the wrist.
SweetP. Poor thing. This is sad. It looks like towels held together by belts. It looks like something a nine year old would make and walk down the kitchen runway in front of her mother. Rather thamn take the spirit of her original dress, which had a futuristic air to it, her new one followed the letter of the law, and imitated the shape of the dress without capturing any of the whimsy. The judges call it peasanty, unfinished and ragged. The back looks like a “chew out” rather than a cut out, says Issac. It makes the model look fat says Georgina. They all remind us SweetP’s problem was always that she couldn’t put a look together. But faced with ugly or weird, they keep her.
Elisa remade her dress, this time out of a shower curtain and in 12 hours, so it looks like her 10 year old daughter made a knock off version of the original. In their ciritique of her, the judges are actually so positive about what they like, it’s hard to tell if she’s in the top or bottom. They love the writing, and praise the handdrawn artwork, though there’s something about the dress they don’t understand. So of course Elisa stands their and explains how this fits into her world view, which includes numerology and some wack jazz babblefish nonsense. But though judges love the spirit of it, they don’t like the construction and once she’s off the runway they express a general concern is that she doesn’t really have what it takes to be here. Angela complains that if you have to explain your clothes to people instead of just letting them be clothes, that’s a bad sign. And so they eliminate her. That was quick. I thought they’d keep the crazy a little longer. Especially since next to SweetP’s drab sad piece, hers at least had visual interest. But Elisa was only ever here to be entertaining, not to make clothes. Now we’ll never know if she ever learned to use a sewing machine. Bye Elisa!
Next week!…oh wait,t here’s no next week. Instead it’s an overview of the whole season coming up, including a cat fight between Austin and Issac, more drama with MichaelC, and shots of Mondo weeping. Don’t cry Mondo! There’s no crying in fashion! Make another fascinator and be comforted.